Need to get back on track

Looks like I've been derailed. I'm back to obsessing about JL. I think it's my friend's fault that I'm obsessing again about JL. She's just sooooo pro-JL that it's hard for me to move forward and forget about him. She tries to keep me hopeful and see things in a different, more positive light. She told me that JL told her that he likes me and that he thinks I'm hot! This is such a vicious vicious cycle that I don't know if I'll ever get out of. I just keep coming back. I've totally lost any chemistry that I felt for Mr. Schu. :( He's just too far away! :(

WHY?! Why do I keep coming back?!!!

I was "brainwashed" again yesterday. So, I felt really sure that the reason why he kept mentioning "second marriage" and posting food on FB was for my benefit. Why do i think that way? Anyways, since I'm feeling really good and positive that he does have the hots for me I passed by his office and said hi. Then I told him "why are you wearing your glasses" for obvious lack of things to say. I just get tongued-tied around him and always say the wrong things. Ugh!!! I feel so stupid! I'm not normally like this. Guys/people like me coz I always have something interesting and witty to say. But not when around him. DARN! So, he said "why not". Then I replied "you look better with glasses anyway". Then I left. What was that about? I was given a compliment and not complimenting at the same time! Does it mean that he looks bad without glasses? So stupid! Ugh!!!! It's so frustrating.

Now that this had happened, I'm so really to move on. I hope I'd get that job in another department. Somewhere far away from him. Somewhere where I can't make a fool of myself and say stupid things. yesterday I was hoping I could stay and even talked to my boss about it. I change my mind. I think I'm ready to move on. He just doesn't give me a chance.

My loan was also approved. So, I'm waiting for our benefits section to ask me to pick up the check. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm glad Mel is still here so we can decide on the right interior for the place. I'm excited!!! Another project to concentrate on! I have to stop obsessing about JL. Seriously!!!! Besides, I don't wann break Mr. Schu's heart. I was kinda still leading him on. I really don't know. I still like him.